Today I have been thinking what it would be like if I had carried Jackson full term. Would things be any different for me? Well of course the obvious stands out that I wouldn't have a son that doesn't require such special attention. I can almost bet that I would be working full time at a place I hated and didn't respect me or my ideas. I wouldn't be living in my parents home looking like some sort of a bum. I may have even started back in school. I wouldn't feel like I have aged ten years.
I find myself in a rut every once and a while. I like to talk a great game that everything is so easy but sometimes its not. I sometimes get angry when I see babies that are the same age as Jackson doing so much more than him. Maybe its not even anger but its more jealous. Jealous that he works so much harder. That at the end of the day I am excited if Jackson eats four pieces of soft carrots and a half a jar of peaches. That is two scoots across the floor makes me tear up. Yes I am very proud of my son and I don't ever want to take away from all the progress he has made.
So today is a bummer day and I wish it wasn't. However writing about it makes it better.
Hey Kristi it's Melissa! Long time since we've talked my cell has had issues and isn't on. I wanted to say don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard for you and things don't always come up roses but Jackson is so special and touches so many hearts. You get to take care of and spend time with the toughest sweetest little man I know. You get to look into his beautiful eyes and kiss those chubby cheeks and know you are doing the most fulfilling work possible. Things could have been different but then you wouldn't have had the opportunity to see him grow and witness his miracle. I love you Kristi and you are far from a bum. You are awesome and there aren't many people that could handle your situation like you do. You are amazing
ReplyDelete