When Robert and I decided to get pregnant it was one of the most exciting days of my life. Luckily it took us no time at all and on January 21, 2011 I got the two little blue lines saying I was pregnant. The shopping began that very day. My mom insisted that it would be a girl and bought tons of girl stuff. I however already felt like this was gonna be a little boy. I didn't really care either way as long as it was healthy and happy. I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy. June 3, 2011 turned my world upside down. My pregnancy went from a typical one to a nightmare. I went in to see the doctor for some bleeding that I had throughout the night and thought nothing of it really. I had heard that you can have some irritation to your cervix so I wasn't too nervous. The doctor took a look at things and had a very grim look on her face. She looked up at Robert, my Mom and I and said you need to get dressed and go straight to Nortons. I was 3cm dilated and my water was bulging past my cervix. I had an incompetent cervix. I felt like I was in some bad dream. I was only 23 weeks and 2 days pregnant. This could not be happening to me.
After getting to the hospital everything happened so fast. They had me settled down in a room and told me that I would not be leaving the hospital until I had Jackson. I wasn't to leave the bed for any reason because I could cause my water to break. The neonatoligist, Dr. Cohen, walked into the room just as everyone had left the room. He gave the statistics of a 23 weeker making it. It was around 10% and my heart just sank in that very moment. How could I be thinking about the death of my son before he was even born. He said Robert and I had three options once Jackson was born. We could let him go, fight like hell no matter what, or lastly if he came out breathing give him a chance at life and if he didn't come out breathing then let him go. No parent should EVER have to hear those words. Robert and I didn't want to make a decision until right before we knew Jackson was actually coming.
June 7, 2011 I started having contractions at around 8:00pm. My nurse, Amy, wasn't picking anything up on the monitor so the doctor ordered an ultrasound to see if I had dilated anymore. I was 7cm dilated at 10:00 pm and was sent to labor and delivery. Jackson was coming and my nerves were sky high. My parents arrived around 11:00pm. It was now time to buckle down and get ready for this baby boy. At midnight, now June 8, 2011, I let out a little woohoo because this meant the chances of him making it were a little higher. Now a different neonatolgist, Dr. Forbes, came in to discuss the sames things as Dr. Cohen. We had three options and she had to know what to do once Jackson was born. I just cried with Robert for a few minutes. We wanted this baby so bad and now we may not even get the chance to have him. We had decided that once Jackson was born if he cried and kicked around we would fight for his life. If he came out and wasn't fighting we weren't going to make our baby live. It was the toughest decision he and I have ever had to make. I rubbed my belly and told Jackson," I love you no matter what!"
At 4:10am my water broke and the room was filled with about 15 people who were all so very calm. After four pushes I gave birth to a crying and kicking baby boy at 4:29am. I felt such peace in that very moment. My son was fighting for life and I was so very proud of him. Jackson William Lawrence Thomas was a fighter and I was now a new mommy.
No comments:
Post a Comment